i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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