She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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