somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize