i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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