my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
