do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
