Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
