So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
