I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
