Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't turn off my feet"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
