We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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