are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
