I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
