I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
