are you so shy because you have an std?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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