finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
