38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
