I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
