You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
