You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
