I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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