do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
