evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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