i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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