who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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