remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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