I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
