Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
