i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
