it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
