the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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