So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
