Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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