and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
