i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize