No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
