her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
