You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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