Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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