I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize