are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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