i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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