I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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