id be glad to
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
