I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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