You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize