those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I forget how to act sober
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
