dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
