In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
