oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
