worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize