You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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