I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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