i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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