Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
