My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
