I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you didnt know i had herpes?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
