i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize