Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are we still banned from the library?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
