So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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