just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
