They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
