I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
