the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
